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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! Here with your requested review.

This is such an interesting idea. I've never read a story about a long-lost twin of Harry's - I don't tend to branch out into AU very often, so this is a nice change for me!

I like the little details you've included such as Harry reaching for Sirius and calling him "Pafoo" - that's adorable. :D And it's nice to think that in this story Sirius wasn't in prison for 14 years, he deserved so much better than that. I'm curious how Mrs Figg comes into this, too!

You asked about grammar/punctuation. I found a lot of run-on sentences without commas - fortunately this is an easy fix. And if you have trouble with grammar and punctuation I'd suggest getting a beta, they can help! :)

For the story flow, there are some large chunks of text that I think could be separated into different paragraphs, especially when there are two different speakers in the paragraph. Or when one person is talking to different people - in the first paragraph Sirius addresses James, then Lily, then Harry and Jasmine, and then Hagrid - this could be four paragraphs.

And as for believability - I think it's mostly believable given the circumstances of your story. The only thing I wondered is why they kept Jasmine separated from Harry for so long - after like 5 years of no Death Eaters, maybe they'd have thought it safe for her to return to the country again?

I hope I didn't come across as too harsh. I think that with a little fixing up of the grammar/punctuation, you could have a great story that flows well. Nice start to your story! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you liked it. As for the grammar and punctuation I am currently looking for a beta and I'm hoping to find one before I put the next chapter up. The reason they kept Jasmine separated from Harry for so long is Dumbledore just worried that even though there was no hint from the Death Eaters that as soon as Jasmine returned they would go after her or Harry. I touched based on it in Chapter 2 but I might go back and add more details to it from some suggestions I received in reviews. You didn't come across as harsh at all as I know my grammar/punctuation is horrid and i need help. Thanks again.

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