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Review:academica says:
Hi Angie, here with your requested review!

Before I get started with your areas of concern, I have to address one of my top pet peeves--don't doubt yourself in your author's note! Nothing dampens the joy of finding a good story to read like seeing an author demonstrate a lack of confidence when you get to the end for a review. It's great to ask for feedback and express your openness to reviewers' suggestions, but don't be afraid to own the work you post and be proud of it.

You said fluff was out of your comfort zone, but I didn't pick that up here. I thought you did a great job exploring a sweet moment between Teddy and Dominique right at the beginning of their relationship. I liked their characterization a lot, too. It was nice how Teddy was sort of awkward, because that reminded me a little of his parents, and I also liked how Dominique felt insecure about possibly being compared to her sister and found it hard to believe that Teddy would be interested in her.

You did a nice job of using imagery effectively, such that I could easily visualize the beautiful setting for the picnic but didn't feel that the pace of the story was interrupted by your descriptions. The dialogue was also good for the most part; I see that you've taken my suggestion of using contractions more and making the speech less formal. I spotted a few areas where you could do that more here, but I also think it's totally fine to have a mix of more casual and more formal dialogue. This story sounded very natural to me.

Great work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Academica! As always your reviews are very helpful, so thank you.

Ah, I always love how you comment on my author's note along with the story, thank you. Yeah well, I am not very confident as a writer and I tend to show that in my A/Ns. Nonetheless, I'll keep your advice in mind and try not to show my insecurity in my author's note. I'll go back and edit it, thanks =)

I thought I went a bit overboard with the fluff, it not being in my comfort zone, so it's a relief to hear you say that you think I did okay. I am pleased you liked how I explored this moment in their life and that you liked the characterisation as well. Yeah, I wanted to show a bit of Remus and Tonks in Teddy and I am glad you picked that up in him here. I am happy you liked the way I showed Dom as well.

I was afraid I should have included a bit more imagery but your words have put me at ease. Yeah, I am not very good with dialogue but I did try to make it as less formal as I could. I am so, so, happy to hear that you found this story natural, especially since you are such an amazing writer yourself and it's a huge thing coming from you. I'll try to work more on the dialogue and definitely edit my author's note.

Thank you so much!


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