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Review:Lady of Tears says:
Well! I have to say I'm quite glad I picked this story out from the Review Tag thread, because I think it's one of the best I've read in a long time.

You've got first person mastered. I loved all the little thoughts and details. My favorites include the bit about the lambs, and the thought about Ellie being scared to be different from her twin in a way.

The only critique I have is to smooth out some of your transitions with a bit of exposition. For example, when both Albus and Rose came inside I was taken aback. It popped out of nowhere, and I had to reread it a few times to make sure I wasn't in a new scene.

Also, when Chris and Ellie go home, you tell us, again, that it's her twin brother Christian. We already know that by then, so it seemed redundant.

But other than that, I am excited to keep reading and reviewing!

Author's Response: Aww! You're so nice! *blushes*

I'm glad that you think the first person works. I know that writing like that can mean losing a lot of description about other stuff, and everything is tainted by the one view, so I'm a little scared for the later chapters!

Thanks for pointing that out about the transitions. It's something that I really need to work on, so I'll keep that in mind.

I think the repetition of twin brother was an editing mistake on my part - something I forgot to take out. Something to add to the list!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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