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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi Dee! I'm finally here with your requested review!

Wow. I have to say this is my favorite of your work I've read so far. You've done such an incredible job of crafting Peter's story. In this oneshot you help us understand him, but don't push us to like him, and I think that's the perfect approach.

I love the use of "tick tock" throughout the story; it adds a sense of urgency and really keeps the narrative pushing forward. And I also really enjoyed the use of present tense for that reason. You did an awesome job of keeping us in the moment. I was on the edge of my seat, really :D

My one suggestion would be a tiny nitpick about flow. I love your use of flashbacks, but sometimes I think you could do without the transition sentences into them. Let's take the first one as an example: I don't think you necessarily need to say, "It all came down to a choice I made a long time ago." You're using italics and switching to past tense for the flashback, and those techniques make it very clear what you're doing without using a transition sentence to set it up. As it is now, it sort of feels like a bumpy ride into the flashbacks instead of a smooth flow into them. But then again, that's just my opinion, and it's a very small thing :)

My favorite part of this is your choice of moments in Peter's life to go back to, and how they tied into the present. It broke my heart to see the memory of Remus encouraging Peter in his transformation into a rat, and then to see the way Peter treated Sirius after Lily and James' deaths.

"You betrayed them. It's your fault they're dead." Again, wow. What a line! That, I think is the emotional climax of this story, and it cuts like a knife. Any sympathy I had for Peter just went out the window with that one line. So powerful!

You did a great job with this, Dee! I'm so glad I read it! Thanks so much for requesting :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hi Maggie!

Wow-thank you so much! I have to admit this is probably the one-shot I'm most proud of so it's wonderful to know you liked it!

Peter is such a complex character and I've read a few fanfics where I almost feel sorry for him and I hate that, after all he is the reason James and Lily were killed. I wanted to give some substance to what we already knew-that he switched sides to save his own skin-but not in a way that would make readers feel sympathy for him so it's great to know that's how you felt!

The flashbacks are something that definitely need work, I knew I needed them in the story but I've had mixed feedback about them. I think your suggestion makes perfect sense so I'll make sure to remember it when I go back and edit-thank you! I'm thrilled you like the ones I chose though, I wanted to take the small canon details we were given by JKR and expand on them. The Remus one was my favourite.

I absolutely love when people quote my lines back to me in reviews, I'm currently grinning like an idiot haha! I'm glad that it made you lose all sympathy for Peter, he definitely doesn't deserve it!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review Maggie!


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