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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba back again!

Building on my review of the previous chapter, I have a suggestion: include brief paragraphs at the beginnings and/or ends of chapters to show where Harry stops/starts reading, along with some kind of reaction to what he's read. I think this would enhance the flow, and it would also just be really interesting to get adult Harry's reactions to the events in Snape's diary. :)

There were a lot of great momenta in this chapter. For instance, I like the part where Lily wishes out loud that she was in Ravenclaw. The face she makes when Snape suggests Slytherin shows that she really doesn't want to live there, and is just trying to not hurt his feelings when she says, "any house without Potter." I think your characterization of her in this section is spot-on.

I also like it when Remus plays the chaperone by telling James that, "Hexing Snape isn't going to impress Lily." He seems a little bolder here than he generally is in the books, but maybe that's because Sirius isn't around to tease him. :)

I noticed a minor slip-up at the end of the first section: "They walked backed to college slowly..." I assume you meant castle, here.

In the second section, I like how you show that Snape isn't always being bullied through his conversation with Avery in Hogsmeade. I like hearing the Slytherin perspective on things: Lily is "bad news" because she's in Geyffindor, and the dark magic shop seems to fascinate Slytherins in the same way that Zonko's drew the Weasley twins. :)

I'm looking forward to seeing Snape's perspective on more of the events from their school days!

Author's Response: Hi again! :) Good to see another one from you!

The more I think about it, the more I wonder about how writing it from that perspective would be. So maybe I'll change it a bit. But that would mean a LOT of changes. So I'll probably still continue with the third person and include Harry's reactions or something. I'll think about it.

Haha, thanks :) I loved writing these smaller versions of Snape and Lily. And I love hearing that I got the characterization right! Thank you :)

I've always thought that Remus would have to be the one setting James on the right path now and then. Not that he was successful. But Remus was sort-of dutiful. So I've tried to show that too. Also, I love the Marauders. except for Peter. Had to bring them in somehow.

Oops. I didn't notice the 'college' thing. How embarrassing! I'll change that soon :P

Haha, them Slytherins! I loved writing the conversation between Avery and Snape.

Thanks again :)


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