Hey! It's Whiskey with your review, first of three :)
You know, I really like me some rebels and evil guys! It's weakness, I swear. So you can imagine how happy I was reading this first chapter. The Head had me grinning the entire time.
First, I really enjoyed the gothic-style story within a story moment that makes Rose's tale more dramatic and already alerts the reader to the world-altering consequences (no more magic? What? -love it). I must say, though, I was slightly put off by the term "death row" as I am pretty sure England does not have the death penalty. I suppose, since this is the future, it could exist. Nevertheless, the term made the story sound like the beginning of an American thriller, and so it messed with the atmosphere. Also, the court-room scene was very, again, American crime-series style. I'm not sure, but I don't think the wizarding world has a judge one would call "Your Honour". Instead, I think the Minister presides over these issues? The scene when Harry gets called out for under-aged magic might be a good place to look for guide-lines. This is sort of nit-picky, I know. Sorry, haha. But these little things can make or break an atmosphere and I find that atmosphere is important for a story of such epic proportions.
And now, I have to compliment you on the stream of consciousness/faux-dialogue bits that you inserted (First with the historian then later with Rose). I'm sure there will be those that will disagree, but I found the confused format very fitting. It's a lovely way to mesh some exposition and some characterization together while drawing the reader in with the emotional side of the conflcit. I find that the way you inserted thsese bits into dialogue made the reading smooth and easy to follow. Bravo, basically :D
Lets see, what else? Oh yes, the German house elves! I think they are my favourite characters now. I hope you use them wisely. Concerning the German quote, I must get in there and nit-pick one more time. Unless you wanted the elf to have broken grammar (but I didn't see any wrong grammar in your transalted footnote, so I assume not), then the sentence should be "Meister bezahlt mir nicht". Hahah, sorry, I had to.
Ok, I'm off to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Sorry for the week late response. I feel bad. School started recently and things have been really hectic. Sorry!
Thanks for the nit-picky review :) I guess the secret's out that I'm not British haha, but I definitely see what you mean with it sounding like an American thriller. I will go back whenever time allows and rectify it. And the German thing hahah--stupid google translate.
I'm glad you liked the faux-dialogue bits. I've seen it used in a couple novels it's my most favorite thing EVER. It's so much more fun than a simple paragraph stating some facts. I dislike writing anything I wouldn't want to read myself haha.
I'm glad you like the Head. He's a blast to write and an absolute pain to be around.
Thanks for the in-depth review and so sorry I took so long with the response!