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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Hello! It's Voldy Needs a Hug with your (very late) review.

Wow. That was a long chapter. Regardless of the length, I still enjoyed it.

I was initially somewhat confused by the three individual sections that this chapter is divided into. I couldn't determine how the three stories were related; they all seemed completely separate from one another. Initially, it was challenging to keep each of the stories straight due to a lack of names. It was also difficult to transition from one story to the next.

On the other hand, however, each of these stories was both interesting and creative, avoiding many of the cliches that have become all too common here on the archives. It was a nice change.

I thought that your descriptions were excellent. They really helped to tell the story and make readers feel as if they were actually present. Your descriptions also help to add suspense to the story, convincing readers to continue reading until the end of the chapter.

I noticed several spelling/grammatical errors throughout this chapter. Here are a few examples: "How could have I?" , "With every step I could feel myself slip away and with every step I knew I to change." , "Off course, I should have known." , "Before I turned my 9, I was in complete control." Additionally, I noticed that you used commas a bit excessively. The repeated misplacement of commas disrupted the flow, making your sentences sound slightly choppy and disconnected. Perhaps a beta would be helpful in fixing these corrections in the future.

In the following sentence, you change from first person (which is how the majority of this chapter is written) to third person: ď'Come on now dear, donít play games you donít even understand,' he tutted, grabbing my arm and twisting it behind her back, while I struggled in shock." The word "her" should be changed to "my" to keep it consistent with the rest of the chapter.

Overall, you did a great job with this story!

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