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Review:academica says:
All right, back for chapter two for the review battle!

Okay, now we're starting to get to know your characters, and that's great. I really like how Mary is questioning the whole idea and her role in it. It seems realistic for a bunch of teenagers to be uncomfortable taking on such a huge responsibility.

I liked your commencement ceremony a lot, too. Sometimes I wish we could have witnessed Harry's graduation in the canon series, though I obviously understand how that was overshadowed by what actually happened with Voldemort. It was nice to see how that might have gone with Lily and friends, despite having the dark shadow of making such a major decision to muddle the day for some.

I wonder if Peter's mother actually has cancer or if it's just an excuse for him to go sneaking off. Or perhaps Voldemort offers to heal Peter's mother?

Your ending is intriguing, too. My instinct says maybe it's Mary being interrogated, but I'm not sure, since she doesn't know the group that well.

I would suggest that you avoid marking off time as you shift back and forth. If you want to do a brief flashback, like you did with June 1981, maybe set it off with asterisks or dashes or put it in italics. You can also do a horizontal line to mark it off.

Nice work! Much improved over chapter one.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I feel like Mary would be the one to question it all because she really isn't comfortable with them at all yet.

I loved writing the ceremony, and I think it went really well. I loved writing it, and now I want to be valedictorian just to use some of this.

You'll have to wait and see.dun dun dun. Sorry, I'm a bit dramatic sometimes.

I know exactly who it is, and I think you'll be surprised if you continue reading to the end.

Yes, I think I will change it to that, although not all the time changes will be to June, 1981 in the future. I'll have to think about it, but thanks for the suggestion!

I'm so happy you liked this chapter even more than the first. I can't wait to update.


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