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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi lovely! This was such an emotional chapter!

I really, really love the sort of separate character you gave 'That Feeling.' It was it's own thing in this one shot, that thing that keeps George stuck in that miserable place without even wanting/trying to get better. That was such a creative way to give his emotions a very personification, and i loved it!

I also liked the struggle it was for George to get back in the shop, and really liked the small mention of alcohol being Charlie's way to drown sorrows.

The comparison of it draping him like a child in a coat too big was so awesome, another really cool but of personification!!

Then the emotional move George made to understanding, with Angelina's help, that it wasn't JUST him. He wasn't the only one who lost, wasn't the only one who was hurting, all felt so realistic. I loved the easy way about one another you gave the two of them, and how comforting it just felt for them to be together.

There were a a few grammatical issues, like:
George said: “do you want to come in?” and Angelina said: “Could you do with an extra pair of hands?”

These would still need to be divided into different lines. The colon is technically correct, but in this case you'd be better off smoothing it out with a comma. Like:

George said. “Do you want to come in?”

Angelina didn't answer the question directly, but instead replied with, "Could you do with an extra pair of hands?"

Just small things like that :)! Your writing improves every time I read it, m'dear!!!



Author's Response: Thank you very much for stopping by again, Jami, your reviews honestly make my day and I am so lucky to have such an awesome reviewer like you! :)

Hahah, thank you! I really tried to personify the emotion to try and portray how it really feels to lose someone that close to you. I think George would've had to see the emotion like an enemy and a best friend, and he would've spent all day every day feeling it at first.

Everyone forgets about Charlie! Charlie is awesome too! I'm so glad you picked that comparison out, because I was so pleased when it came to me :)

I had to think of a way that George and Angelina would kind of click -- and I admit, I did reread the first few chapters of Before They Fall just to see how two people that hadn't seen each other for a while and kind of had feelings for each other conversed -- and how George could eventually stop blaming himself and empathise with Angelina.

That does look much smoother! I just wanted an excuse to use a colon, hahah! I will definitely read over it and help smooth it over to make it flow better! Thanks for pointing that out!

It was so lovely to hear from you again Jami, thank you so much! You're awesome!

-Sophie :D



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