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Review:academica says:
Hello, here with your requested review!

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about your characterization being too canon. You're working with mostly next gen characters, which means you pretty much have a blank slate about how you want them to behave. I also didn't feel like they were too flat; clearly Dominique and James are defined by certain characteristics, but your ending shows that they can grow and change, and that's essential for the basis of good characterization.

That being said, I think you could definitely slow the pace of this story down a bit. There was a lot of action and scene changes and I felt a bit lost in terms of when everything was happening. I think you have a good skeleton in place as far as understanding why Dominique and James don't get along and how they came to be close again, but the fast pace and constant scene changes overshadow it a little. I'd try to simplify this if you could so that your theme of family is clearer.

I would recommend giving the formatting of this piece a second look. For one thing, it's distracting to label the points of view, and beyond that, it can impede flow if you move between first and third in the same chapter. I'd pick one and try to make it clear who is speaking using context clues in the text. I also noticed that you've got some odd formatting with the indentation and spacing. I'd steer clear of indenting paragraphs and use the Simple Editor to avoid having extra space there.

I also noticed that you seem to have trouble with dialogue tags. This one is easy for me to pick out because it used to be my number one problem :) There is actually a great tutorial on the forums (under Writer's Resources) that can help you figure out when to use a period and when to use a comma. Fixing that will help out your flow here.

Good work! Hope this review is helpful!


Author's Response: Thank you! It was amazingly helpful and I'm going to go back and probably rework this! Thanks again!

Sincerely, Ireland

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