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Review:academica says:
Hey, I'm here for your requested review :)

I really liked the way you started off this story by contrasting Ron's perception with the celebration going on in the streets. This line in particular was great for summing it all up--It was an unexpected side-effect of surviving a war: everything suddenly looked, or felt, or smelled, like something morbid. I thought you did a wonderful job of describing Ron's post-war feelings without moving into the territory of, as you said, superfluous description.

I do think there were parts of this story that might have veered a bit into the melodramatic territory. For example, while I can totally believe George staring into a glass and being tormented by his own appearance, the act of throwing the glass and yelling at the bottle seemed a bit over the top and a little too cliche for my liking. I've seen several people characterize post-war George that way, and while that's not my view of him, I think you could make that case if you provided more detail about how he'd gotten to that point... which is understandably hard to do when this is written from Ron's point of view. Just my two cents.

The other thing that I noticed here is that some of the humor seems a little forced. There were some lines, like Ron saying that he can't stand by George if they're laying down, that were just perfect and seemed really effective for breaking up the tension. But some things, like the tablespoon joke and George's comment about aiming for the ears, just seemed a bit heavy-handed and too deliberate. My advice would be to let your humor flow as naturally as possible, and don't feel like you have to make a reference to all things Weasley in a single story.

There were a lot of things I liked about your characterization of George, though. My head canon is that he was a bit more muted than Fred, and I liked the serious touch you lent to his character here, in terms of being actually concerned about the future of the business and having to deal with everyone seeing Fred when they look at him now, as well as saying that drinking keeps him warm.

Good work! Hope this review is helpful :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for your honest review. It gave me a lot of things to think about, and I think the thing I took out of this the most is the time I put into my character reflection. Especially characters I have very little writing experience with. I just sat down and wrote this, and didn't think as much about if the reactions were natural.

I thought a lot of the parts you caught were the ones I was the most worried about. It made me happy to know my gut feeling was right, and I plan to follow that more before I get post happy.

Thank you for the review and I hope I can apply these thoughts to my writing in the future. I really appreciate it.

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