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Review:ginerva_molly_weasley says:
Hi there. Here I am from review tag.

I have never read a Harry twin story before so this was a nice change to extend my reading genres. I think it was written well and you got off to a very good start giving you some good ground to progress further on into the story.

One thing I noticed was that the dialogue there wasn't clear especially that between Sirius to James and Sirius to Lily as it was all bunched up in a paragraph so you could possibly change the formatting of this to make it easier to read.

You might also want to include more description to pad out the chapter a little bit more as it felt a little bit too structured with it being very set however as you are still trying to stick to canon here you may just want to consider it for further chapters. Its not a major point but it would enhance the story.

I do find myself wanting to know more about how this is going to play out with Sirius being with Arabella in Australia. Though I am still unclear as to Dumbledore's motives as Dumbledore knows that Harry is safe whilst in Petunia's care so this would surely apply to Jasmine too?

However the plot line is good and I expect you will expand a lot more into further chapters.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I just went over the paragraph where the dialogue is all bunched up and rushed and agree with you one hundred percent. I will make sure I go back and change that. Also for description you are not the first person to mention that and it is really something I need to work on as I'm the kind of person who wants to get down to the nitty gritty and quick and that reflects in my writing. Thanks again for the review!

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