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Review:Haronione says:
This was an interesting and enjoyable first chapter :) I really liked your characterisation of Albus in this, very different from the few next-gen fics I have read. He definitely seems to have some very Slytherin traits in this chapter, and seems far from the golden boy he is usually portrayed as. I also liked Charlotte (although you have sometimes put her surname as Ronan and sometimes as Ranon) reading this made me think of how Rita Skeeter would have been at school.

Ok, so i have a bit of CC for you - There were a couple of times when there was a mix up with tenses. For example 'I only saw her use this voice a few times in her life' this should say 'I had only seen her use this voice a few times in her life'. Also, this line didn't read right to me 'A shudder passed through my body as I slowly realised that someone in fact was watching me.' I feel it would read better as '...someone was in fact watching me.' These are just small things that stood out to me and otherwise I felt it was well written and easy to read.

So, this chapter has left me wanting to read more. It has left me wondering what Aaliyah has needed to be shielded from and why, and whether she does eventually give in to Albus. I'm also intrigued to see how the relationship between Gabby and James progresses.

A great first chapter and I look forward to reading more :)

Haronione ♥

Author's Response:

It is both interesting and enjoyable? I doubt it but I'm glad you thought it was. Haha, I never could see Albus as the golden boy. I don't why I just can't.

I didn't even notice that I mixed up her surname up. I'll be sure to fix that. She is a little like Rita Skeeter but not entirely. I think Rita would have been placed in Ravenclaw or Slytherin if she ever went to Hogwarts. While Charlotte is a Hufflepuff for a reason. ;)

Thank you for pointing those parts out. Sometimes if you have read the chapter too many times to count, editing gets difficult.

Aaliyah does have a past. Slowly, it will come out. I have a lot planned for all the characters, James and Gabby included. Thanks for the lovely review. :D


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