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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello- marauderfan here with your requested review!

I liked seeing things from Al's point of view in this, and I enjoyed seeing his friendship with Scorpius. The scenes you wrote with the two of them are great. (Btw, I know that given the epilogue of DH it doesn't make much sense for Al to be in Slytherin but honestly I love it when he is! I love the idea of Al and Scorpius being best friends! ;D)

As for the flow, there are a few places where the tense shifts between present and past mid-sentence, but otherwise I think it's good. I don't know if you need the titles above each section (eg. "Two days later") - you could just incorporate that into the narrative if you want. It's not bad the way you have it, either - just a personal preference I guess :)

Aaliyah seemed to be in contrast to the way she was characterised in the previous chapter but I understand that this is because it's Albus's perspective of her - and he's seeing a different, nervous side of her that didn't come out in the last chapter. I was a little confused why she agreed to Albus's idea but maybe that'll be revealed next time we hear from Aaliyah's POV.

For plot: I hope this doesn't sound mean or too analytical, but... based on Albus's constant staring/watching/thinking about Aaliyah, it seems that he likes her. So what I found myself wondering is why he doesn't just ask her on a real date? Maybe I just have little faith in the general idea of fake-dating, lol. But it seemed to me that they're kind of setting themselves up for disaster... what would Aaliyah possibly get out of this "relationship"? So maybe in the next chapter you can elaborate on Aaliyah's feelings and what made her change her mind.

One other thing I thought I'd point out is this sentence: Aaliyah has been in solitude from the frenzy we call the media for about a year now
This seemed a bit formal - I don't know that many people actually talk like that ;)

Anyway, I really hope this review is helpful rather than too critical! I think you're doing very well!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for taking the time to do this.

For some reasion I have always seen those two as best friends. They have much more potential than just being strangers or classmates. You will see a lot more of Scorpius. And I am glad that those scenes are enjoyable.

I never notice how I change tenses. It may be because I write what I am thinking and my mind may have been in a different tense at the time. I'll be sure to edit this chapter to fix those.

She is percieved differently by Albus for a reason. I'm thinking of revealing it later since I am that evil. :P Aaliyah acts a little different around Albus since Albus is intimidating to her. You will be hearing from Aaliyah why she agreed next chapter. :)

I do get what you mean about him watching her but I assure you that he doesn't like her in that way or have a crush on her. Albus is very observant and he was waiting for the moment that she feels guilt or something of that sort.

You are right about them setting themselves up for disaster. Teenagers...they always think they can pull off the unevitable. I would know that more than anyone, haha. :P

Honestly, I don't know anyone who talks like that. *guilty face* That or I haven't met a person who talks like. I'll be sure to edit that part. :)

This review wasn't too critical, don't you worry. It was immensely helpful. Thanks again for taking the time for this.
~Sama


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