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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
It's Voldy Needs a Hug here with your (very late) review.

Upon learning that this was a sequel, I was a bit wary about reading it. However, you did an excellent job of reintroducing the characters for those of us who have not read the prequel. I particularly enjoyed your characterization of Greg. You managed to convey quite a few aspects of his personality in a single chapter, which is impressive.

I would have liked to see a bit more description in this chapter. I realize that a description-heavy chapter can be difficult to read, but you should include some sort of description of his surroundings, which brings the story to life for readers. Replacing some of the action with a sentence or two describing the scene or the characters would certainly improve this chapter.

There was one last thing that I noticed. You used a single quotation mark (') to distinguish the dialogue from the rest of the chapter. Unless a character is verbally conveying the story to another person, double quotations (") should be used around dialogue.

Overall, this chapter was a bit slow, which is characteristic of most first chapters. You began introducing an interesting, original plot in this chapter, but it did move very slowly. Therefore, I found myself becoming easily distracted while I was reading. Perhaps a shorter chapter would have held my attention a bit longer.

Nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks very much for your thoughts - not sure what's taken longer, your review or my response!

You're not the first person to notice that I'm often pretty average when it comes to describing the setting around the character, and that's something I've definitely tried to take on board with later chapters and one-shots.

As for the 'single quotes', it's that long ago that I started the first part of the first story that I can't remember why I used them instead of "double quotes", but I do know that I'm not editing 65 chapters of them!

Thanks again

Sheriff


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