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Review:Mnemosyne_Morrigan says:
Hello :) I'm fulfilling your request for a review.


First of all, choosing Moaning Myrtle as a character is a good move, because she's not that popular in fanfiction. It provides you with possibilities.

Single words opening the story are a bit chaotic. I understand the use of them and the idea of it was really good, but nouns and adjectives mixed together do not bring the strong "bang". Maybe if you used only adjectives (or only nouns) it would be more emotional. And "less is more" so a few less of them would have a more crisp texture.

I like that you chose writing of her as a ghost already. Dealing with emotions after death is probably more difficult. What I liked more - you brought up those good emotions, the delicacy and fragility of Myrtle, not only bitterness. Sadness and jealousy is significant, because it has to be. Myrtle died as a young girl, she never had a chance to experience everything those other girls are experiencing, so she feels angry. But not all the time and it's good you pointed it out. It seems that Myrtle constantly punishes herself - she has a right to be angry, but it's her choice to stay in that bathroom and take pity on herself. There are other ghosts in Hogwart's and she could join them, talk to them, spend time with them. But she chooses to shut down. It makes me think that despite all those decades she still has sensibility of a teenage girl, she didn't grew up mentally.

Your language and style are quite good. You have an eye for detail and a great sense of emotions. Writing about the darker side of life (or in that cas, a darker side of death) is not easy, but you managed to balance it. There is pain and bitterness, but with those beautiful spots of softness. Just sometimes it felt like you overloaded it with heaviness.

Overall, good job!
- Mnemosyne

Author's Response: Hey there!

I'm glad the choice of character went down well. I was wondering about how it would be received because not many people like Myrtle.

Oh, I notice that now :P I like the whole single word opening bit, but I will make some changes. Maybe omit a couple of words, and make sure that they're all either adjectives or nouns.

That's an interesting thing you've said actually. About her having not grown up mentally. It's possible. I don't see much room for growth in many ways after becoming a ghost, but I like how you put it. It's true though.

She dies at a very young age, and there are so many things she never got to do. It really is too sad, and I think that she has every right to feel the multitude of emotions that she does. I'm glad you agree and feel that I've brought it out well.

Thank you so much :) It feels great when someone compliments your language and style!

Thank you so much! :)


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