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Review:academica says:
Hi, I'm here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

I liked the repetition in the beginning of this chapter. I do think some of the sections were confusing--for example, if Dorcas was born to play her role, why would she not be prepared for it? However, a lot of them were really quite poetic.

I admit that I found the main part of this chapter confusing. I get the sense that it was meant to be a sort of vague prologue, which I can appreciate, but I feel like it contained a few too many holes. I don't know if you have a habit of proofing before you post, but if not, I definitely recommend re-reading to look for any logical flaws or confusing sections that your readers might also pick out. For instance, it seemed like there were relationships established among several couples in the room already--so why had they never all been in the same room before? At one point, you also said that Dumbledore 'broke the noise,' but from what I read, things were really quiet in the room already. In addition, it's kind of confusing that Dumbledore would ask them to think about joining the Order but wouldn't really tell them what it entailed, and no one asked specific questions about it. You might benefit from having a beta come through and help you identify these weak areas.

One thing I would also suggest is using the Simple Editor in the future when posting new chapters/stories. Doing so will eliminate those large gaps of space you have between your paragraphs and just make the story look nicer.

I think this review will come across as a bit critical, so let me just say that I think this definitely has potential and it'll be interesting to see how you distinguish your Marauders story from the others. It's nice to see you focus on the war right off the bat, too, because that's often lost in fics from this era. I'd just be a little more mindful of the details.

Nice start :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This chapter was so hard to write, and I appreciate you being critical. It really helps me with the editing process. I did go over it a couple of times, but more for spelling and grammar than anything.

When I said that they had never all been in the same room before, I was mainly speaking about Mary, who is the lone Ravenclaw. She will play a big part in the development, so I wanted to make it clear that she didn't really have many connections. I guess that wasn't clear enough, sorry. I'll definitely embellish that part(details) more, and make everything a lot clearer.

Thanks so much for your review. I really needed it!


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