Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:marauderfan says:
Back with your RR!

There was a lot of action in this chapter! And the beginning was funny when they pushed her out of the invisibility cloak because she refused to crouch :p Five people really wouldn't fit anyway, so maybe it's best they did that!

The flow was generally good - it transitioned easily from the current stuff to the flashback and then back again. Some of the paragraphs were a bit long though - so if you divide the long ones into two paragraphs it should flow better. :)

Also, I was a little confused by everything that happened in the Forbidden Forest. Was that a regular occurrence for them? I know they'd always all get scraped when they went on their "adventures" but I feel like with injuries that severe - broken ribs and gashes from accidentally transforming back, someone would notice or at least be concerned!

As for continuity... I thought you'd said before that Lily and Alice were her best friends, but in this chapter it seems like that's not the case: When I felt the comforting fur of my best friend beside me, I opened my eyes to the horror.
Dorcas doesn't actually want anything to do with her roommates in this chapter, which I thought odd since they're supposed to be best friends. So maybe you could add in a scene where Dorcas actually talks to them?

There are a few places where it shifts between present and past tense, so you might want to edit that. Otherwise you've done well on this chapter! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that the action came across well, and I think I have to change the part about her being best friends with Lily and Alice, which does disappoint me a bit. When I first started this story, I thought that they would be much closer, but I don't think so anymore.

Well, that's why it was such a big deal, and in the next chapter the discuss it a bit. They don't usually get that hurt, so it is a big deal.

Thank you so much for your review, and I'm glad you liked it!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 757
Submit Report: