Hi - here with your requested review!
This is an amazing piece. I really like the juxtaposition of the two spies - Peter for the Death Eaters and Severus for the Order. And I really like how you set up the comparisons between the two: Peter has no regret, compared to Severus who is full of regret.
Your characterisation is excellent. I really like how you showed how everything Snape did was accompanied by thoughts about Lily. Given the little we saw of their friendship in DH, you've done really well capturing that desperate and obsessive love he has for her, and I liked how he felt awkward in the Order crowd and preferred to lurk in the corner. Your Snape is spot on, so well done!
I enjoyed seeing the way you write Peter, too, because it's much different to how I write him - he's such a fascinating character and it's just really interesting to see how other people interpret his thought process. In this piece you've written him in a very chilling way, like he's become so jaded with the war and the "good" side losing that's he's managed to convince himself that the more powerful side is the "right" one.
You asked about the imagery - I don't think you have too much at all! To me this is one of those types of stories that use description to tell the story, if that makes sense. You convey a lot through your descriptions and I think they're great. Then again, I just really like description, so take that as you will :p
I couldn't find anything that went against the canon timeline. I was surprised to see Harry at the end there when all the Order members were meeting up, because I was under the impression that he was taken straight to the Dursleys' after being rescued from the house, but I don't see anything in your interpretation that doesn't make sense, so it definitely could have happened.
Well, I kind of gushed my way through this review :p Sorry if it's not that useful, I'd love to give some CC but to be honest I have none! Great job on this!
Author's Response: Hello, Kristin, thanks so much for stopping by!
I thought it was kind of cool to compare the trajectories of Peter and Severus, since they both defected from their original allegiances and, as you mentioned, both seem to have differing feelings about their actions.
I'm glad you liked my characterization choices for Peter and Severus, too. It's interesting the way you put it, like Peter's given up and is just trying to survive whereas Snape has more motivation than ever to make up for his past mistakes. I have to wonder, perhaps if things had been different, if Peter ever changed his mind again and wanted to go back to the Order and be with his friends.
Yeah, that makes sense. I just wanted to be sure the description didn't overshadow the plot, and it sounds like it didn't, which is great :)
You're absolutely right about Harry, which I totally forgot until I started asking about canon in my requested reviews, but I'm happy that him being at the Order meeting still seemed to fit. In my mind, he'd be safer there right after the fact than with a bunch of defenseless Muggles, just in case they found him. But who am I to argue with the goddess?
Thanks again for your truly lovely review!