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Review:800 words of heaven says:
Hello! Here from review tag!

It's been a long while since I read any young adult fanfiction! I think this has quite a promising plot, with enough tension between the characters to keep things interesting!

I do have a few CCs, though. This might just be me, but the flow felt a little off in some places, especially when you changed the tense between past and present. I think your main OC has a lot of potential for growth and development, but at this point, I don't feel like I really know her. I reckon I know more about Albus which is really weird because he's supposed to be dark and mysterious and difficult to read. On that regard, I expected to get a better idea of James, especially because you mention that he's been her best friend for a long time.

I liked the literary devices that you used - the similes added quite a lot to the story, although it did feel like there was a lack of description at times? I have no idea what Charlotte Ronan looks like now, or what the room they were in was like.

All that aside, I really do think that this has so much potential to be a very interesting story. I'd love to see this take a completely different direction, because right now an Albus-centric romance seems inevitable, although I adore a good cliche. Whatever you write though, I look forward to it!

Author's Response:
Hello! Yes, I do realize that the flow is a off and I have been trying to fix that. Your advice on characterization was very helpful. Albus is the dark and mysterious one and though Aaliyah is smart she got his character down wrong. That is why he'll keep being a mystery. I'll try my best to add in more information about James.

I did forget to add in a description of Charlotte. I'll probably edit that chapter and put it in somewhere or weave into one of the later chapters.

I'm ecstatic that you do think this story has potential. It is always good to here that, haha. :) I may throw in a couple cliches here and there but I have a different plan for Aaliyah and Al.

Thanks for the great review. ♥♥
~Sama


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