Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:HeyMrsPotter says:
Hello, I'm here to review your entry for my challenge :)

This is the first story I've read from Marlene's POV, she's always been a minor character in marauders stories. I love minor characters because we have more freedom as writers to create personalities for them and I like the one you've given Marlene. She's not at all one-dimensional and has real believable flaws. I like that you didn't give away who was speaking straight away too, it kept me interested :)

I liked all of the different comparisons you had too, between her head and heart and her younger and older self, very clever!

I think you did a great job of taking the quote and turning it into this story, you pack a lot into few words which is a talent I've always admired in a writer.

A couple of bits of CC
"He used to have this affect..." Should be effect.
There were a couple misplaced commas, generally before 'and' you don't need commas, it will make your story flow better :)

Other than those really minor details I thought this was beautiful. You really conveyed Marlene's unrequited love for Sirius perfectly, I really felt sorry for her. Thanks for entering the challenge, keep your eyes peeled for the results!

Author's Response: I love minor characters, too, for the same reason. Thank you so much! I always think less is more. I don't like overtly wordy descriptions.

Thanks for your CC as well, and I will definitely be looking out for the results. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, as this was written for you.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 563
Submit Report: