Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:HeyMrsPotter says:
Hi Amanda! I'm here with your requested review. I was really excited when you requested this having recently written a story myself in which Peter was the main character.

You said in your request that characterisation and canon timeline were your main concerns. As far as my knowledge goes, I think the timeline for the most part was spot on, the only thing that stood out was the ending where the Order of the Phoenix were meeting and McGonagall had Harry, I think Hagrid rescued him and took him straight to Dumbledore and McGonagal at the Dursleys. Having said that, I actually enjoyed that part of the story and thought it worked very well, especially how you used it for Snape to reach his conclusion that he must help to keep Harry safe from future harm.
As for charaterisation I think you did a really wonderful job.

Peter was everything I would have expected him to be around the time of Lily and James' death. I love that you had him almost reasuring himself that he was doing the right thing by picking fault with the Potters- them being 'good' is a pitiful reason and reflects Peter perfectly. I also liked that even after he felt no guilt, just relief that he had saved his own skin. I thought the fact that he had the audacity to judge the Slytherins was another great part to his character, as though he still deserved to be a Gryffindor after what he did, it made me so mad! The little details you added to his personality were what sealed it for me though, his lack of gryffindor courage, his forgetfulness when trying to remember where he knew the man in the bar from were all excellent touches.

Severus was really great too. We only see the side of him that loved Lily realy briefly in the books during his memories and I think you did an excellent job of taking that and building upon this wonderful side of him. I love the juxtaposition between Peter's betrayal and his and also his thoughts about what he was doing and the meticulous way he planned was very in character. What I loved most about Snape in this was the way you described his love for Lily, it was just so beautiful and heartbreaking. This line-"So, just as he has always done, just as he always did for heróSeverus waits." absolutely floored me, I never cry at fanfiction but this made me shed tears so well done for that (I think!)

Even the minor characters in this were really well written; Narcissa's concern at having lots of guests, Bellatrix's rowdy celebrations, James' positivity even in the situation they were in. You're very right to be proud of your characterisation-it's excellent!

You also have briliant descriptions throughout this, not only the settings but also the feelings of Snape and Pettigrew. I found myself getting completely lost in this story, though I was actually there and experiencing it all, and as much as I love reading fanfiction, it doesn't happen very often!

As with your characterisation of Peter, it was the little details that really made this so enjoyable for me. I loved the appearence of Frank in the pub on duty for the Order, James' mention of Tonks made me smile and one of my favourite parts was the certainty of the Death Eaters that Voldemort would be returning after killing James and Lily.

I'll stop now as this is the longest review I've ever left and I'm not even sure it was at all constructive, I'm fairly sure I've just gushed the entire way through. All in all, in case you hadn't realised yet, I adored this. Impeccable writing and a really engrossing story. I've added it to my favourites and I'm sure it's one I'll read over and over again. Please feel free to request again!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for stopping by! Sorry this response was delayed for a few days :)

You're right about Harry; I totally forgot that he was delivered straight to the Dursleys' until you mentioned it, so thanks for reminding me. I'm glad that you liked the way I treated it anyway, as it is sort of an important part of the story in terms of Snape's final decision.

Peter was so tough to get down, and I still don't know if I know him as well as I want to. I'm definitely not as comfortable with him as I am with, say, Lily. I think he's got such a complex personality because of the decision he makes, and it would be remiss for me to just gloss over the intricacies of his choice. Anyway, I tried to play up his callousness and the fact that he still feels inferior to James and the others even though he's not really stupid. He's always trying to get the upper hand but he's always a couple steps behind and has to constantly fear for his life as a result of that.

Severus, yeah--he's one of my favorite characters, and it was super important to me that I really get him right. I do think his feelings for Lily are a big part of who he is and probably were the driving force that kept him going when he was afraid or doubtful or furious at something Harry did at Hogwarts. I'm so glad you liked that line, too, because I sort of fell in love with it once I got it down.

Anyway, yeah, it's so awesome that you liked the characterization and it all worked well!

I usually end up focusing on the details when I write and I'm always happy when readers appreciate the time I put into my work. It's so awesome to discuss little things with people--for instance, I love that you liked the Death Eaters's celebration. It must have been quite a shock for them to find out the truth!

Now I'm gushing, so I guess it's time to wrap up :) Thank you so much for your truly wonderful review, and I'm honored that you favorited this! Thanks again for stopping by!

-Amanda


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 635
Submit Report: