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Review:AlexFan says:
I'm really not a fan of Lucy, she's mean to her family and her cousins, she spends all of her time with Scorpius and by the sounds of it, she does whatever he tells her to. Obviously everyone else knows that there's a problem here because even they can see that it's wrong how Lucy does everything that Scorpius does without even thinking about it.

How could she possibly stop hanging out with Al just because Scorpius said so? Doesn't she realise that she picked a boy that she's probably not going to marry over her family?

Her relationship with Scorpius is also a little bit sudden and out of the nowhere. I know that you gave the flashback of how they got together but even then it seemed a bit sudden. It was like "Hey, your cousin Rose dumped me two weeks so I'm going to ask you out because you're fit, are you game?"

Percy and Audrey are very mean for parents. I know that Percy is pompous and anything but after apologising to his family for ditching them for the Ministry in Deathly Hallows I would think he cherished family more than he clearly does. Plus, Percy is pompous and stuck-up but he's certainly not mean to his family and he never has been.

I also can't imagine parents saying something like that to their child. I especially can't imagine a Weasley saying that to their child. I know that there are parents out there who do say these types of things to their children but I don't think that's something that two parents who went through the trouble of grounding their daughter for being out late would do.

The chapter was also very rushed. You went from one scene to the next to the next without any transition. The scenes simply cut off and started somewhere else. You could've made the chapter longer by going into detail about what Lucy did during the summer (besides ditching her family for Scorpius) and the different places that she could've gone to.

I'm very interested in the relationship between Rose and Lucy though, obviously something has happened between those two to make them dislike each other and I'm looking forward to seeing what it is.

It's not a bad start to a story but I definitely think it would benefit from another read through and some editing. I hope I wasn't too harsh!

Author's Response: Its fine, thanks for the review, will go back over it!
~ Macy ;P

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