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Review:AlexFan says:
I'm here for the review battle!

I've got two things that I want to point out here and that's about it.

The first thing is that you seem to switch between past and present tense a lot, it's something that all authors do and something that I'm also guilty of. It's not something that stands out unless you're looking for it but I've gotten into the habit of trying to spot things while I'm reading that it stood out.

The part where Dorcas talks about how she's beautiful, hangs out with the marauder's and briefly "dated" Sirius seemed out of character from her. I don't know her that much but from her thought process and her actions, saying something like that doesn't seem like something she say.

If that part was supposed to be sarcastic though, completely ignore my advice.

Other than, this was really interesting and I enjoyed reading this!

Author's Response: Sorry! I know I do that, and I think i fix it in the later chapters. I thought I had fixed it all when I went back and edited, but I guess I'll go over it again. Thanks for that.

And about her personality, it's very important. Dorcas is about to have a big change in her personality, so in this chapter I wanted to exaggerate her arrogance and vanity. (I wish I could pull of sarcasm in a story)

Thanks for your review, and I just left one on yours for the battle!


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