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Review:APerkins says:
Hi again, Loving the switching backwards and forwards between present and what happened to Lavinia, love a bit of mystery.
I've also finally worked out that no, this story was AFTER DD was killed, so its in Deathly Hallows. That's what I get for not knowing my years!

I still admire your style with description, you have a real way with words. I actually thing you may have lost it a little in the initial flashback at the top of this chapter. 2 specific points here, firstly, it is not obvious to me how the Death Eaters even realised that Lavinia had a skill. She had no arena to show it in and you have just finished explaining she wasn't good at her role as important wife, spending all her time chattering idly.
I would have loved to have seen what she did out of boredom (or whatever) that caught the attention of the death eaters.
The second point was on the line "and that was the end of Lavinia Greengrass".

I think it is meant to be jarringly out-of-character-for-the-story.
(I'm going to be very cliche and say "I get the feeling you are a 'very artistic person with a flair for the dramatic.'")

And I think it is a very effective tool to use a line like that. I think it almost works in this story too - perhaps it works too well. It jars me right out of the story and makes me think about the writing style.

I really love your writing style, it balances really nicely. This chapter doesnt advance far though. I think I would take some of the "reveals" and actually store them for later down the track if you have the chance?
I think they are written extremely well, but - as an example- I would love for Astoria's role in revealing the plot at the end to be held back for another time. I love a good mystery!


Overall thoroughly impressed by the stuff you have written and eager for the next chapter!

Author's Response: So, I had written a nice long response to this lovely post, and it somehow disappeared without being posted, and I just now noticed. The details of what I wrote are a little fuzzy, and I'm kind of exhausted at the moment, but after such a thorough review you totally deserve my efforts at recall. So, here goes:

Thank you for your kind words about description. I'm so very glad you like it. If I lost it in that section, I certainly want to take another look at it. Thank you for pointing that out. I'm not sure if I'll tackle it immediately, as my sights are set on finishing chapter 4, but I certainly want to make sure that the whole story is up to par. Your opinion is valued and appreciated, and I'll certainly take a look and see where there might need to be adjustments made when I get the chance.

As far as what is revealed and what has not been revealed, I may end up switching some of those things around later, as you say, once the story's out there. Feel free to let me know as things go along if you think something should be switched, or if in light of later information it makes sense where it is, or if it would be really awesome if I mentioned "X". I enjoy knowing what people are thinking, and suggestions are both flattering (oh my gosh, you care enough to think of a suggestion!) and helpful in writing future scenes and making adjustments.

Thanks so much for your time. You are a very considerate, thorough reviewer, and it's truly so awesome that you put that much effort into these reviews. Thank you, once again.



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