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Review:MC_HK says:
Hey! :)

So let's start with the CC. Something I noticed that is really prominent throughout your story is repetitive words. You may not have a ton of the same words in a row, but you put two of them right next to each other, which can mess up the flow of your story. I can see a stray quotation mark somewhere, and you've got a few spelling errors. More punctuation errors are present as well, as you have some missing commas, or you have commas where periods should be. Focusing on sentence structure, I think this is something that needs to be improved on, as you make some sentences that should be longer very short, and others very very long when they should be split up. Those run on sentences are a killer, so watch out for those. I can't give much advice on how to fix those other than when you're done writing just sit and read it out loud to yourself with all the commas, period, etc. Also, you should include Melody's name in there more. You go a very long time in the beginning without using her name out of dialogue, and started a lot of sentences with "she". This should always be more specific, especially if you have more than one female in the group.

Other than that, I think you've done a good job telling the reader a little bit about Melody's background and the group dynamic with her and her friends. Her personality also comes through, but I'd like to see it come out a bit more. The dialogue is okay, but it could be a little bit better. I think I just say that because it doesn't really have a presence here, as here wasn't a huge topic of conversation, but what you do have is just fine.

All around, good show! I'll be looking forward to reading more. MC_HK

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for your CC, as I was really looking forward to some of that. I have been on hold with writing for too many years now, and some of my talent seems to have slipped through the cracks. It's not gone forever though, it'll just take some work on my part to retrieve it and reviews like this bring me one step closer to that, so I just wanted to thank you for your review!

Now to the actual responding. I'll re-read my chapter (and future chapters to try and avoid those things) but I am crossing my fingers and toes that I manage to get a beta reader sometime soon. Those things just tend to slip past me, and while I will try to improve on it myself too I'm still hoping that'll happen.

I'm glad you think I did okay with the friends bit. I don't know why but I actually found it challenging writing that friendship scene.

Again, thank you for your review! I'm pretty sure I'll be back to request again as soon as the next chapter is up. ^_^


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