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Review:MC_HK says:
You've got a good chapter. I like being able to have a peek at Sirius' thoughts and even Nick's thoughts at times. The end with Dorcas in the clouds is a really interesting bit, and I kind of wish you extended it more. Again, well done with your chapter.

Don't take this the wrong way, but beside usual missing words and punctuation, I do have one comment about some of your writing. I feel like there are areas that you kind of use filler words. I can see that some of it kind of doesn't fit in with what was before it or it seems a little disjointed. I'm not saying this is a totally bad thing, but if you found a way to make those ideas flow it would be great. Like I feel like there are areas that you do it a lot with Sirius and Nick when you try to explain their thoughts and feelings. Like when Nick talks about things being Gryffindor-like, I don't think being mental and crazy count as being a Gryffindor.

Like I said, please don't take that the wrong way. I really do like your story, and it truly does interest me. Just giving my CC where I think it needs to be. MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you for that. I think it would be kind of hard not to have their thoughts, because they are so integral at this part of the story.

I think I do that because people have told me I'm not descriptive enough, and then I just come back to it, and it ends up being very awkward. Thank you for mentioning that. And I think the only reason Nick thinks like that is because, in my mind, he's always been a very close-minded person.

Thank you for reviewing again, and really, I'm glad you said something!


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