Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:marauderfan says:
Hi, here with your RR!

Oh that Bellatrix, she's awful! (Not your writing of her, just her in general :P ) At first I was wondering what prefect would possibly be threatening a first year, but then when you revealed it was Bellatrix I wasn't surprised by her actions anymore. Though I am surprised she was a prefect at all, surely Dumbledore didn't trust her with that much responsibility?!

I liked the scene with James, taking care of his friend like that, it was sweet. This chapter also explains all of Harley's behaviour in previous chapters, trying to not use magic in order to delay her death. And I think Dorcas's reaction to finding out she's going to die is good. I think it seems quite realistic, in a way, for someone who doesn't want to face the truth, she just pretends she's fine.

As for the discussion with Dumbledore, I think it could use a little work. He seemed a little OOC to me. He seems to be making it harder for Dorcas in what he says, like he drags it on. And the information he had didn't really make a lot of sense to me... For example he says "I love to watch others feel. Do you understand what I mean Dorcas?" but then he tells her something incredibly difficult for her to hear... surely he doesn't love to watch her feel that? Also, is it the perfect-magic thing that's killing her, or is it a disease? I wasn't sure.

Sorry if that seems overly critical. I do know just how hard it is to write Dumbledore! Anyway, you did well on the first half, but might want to revisit that scene with Dumbledore. Good work!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I just had to use Bellatrix. She is so much fun to write, because I feel she is just pure evil. You don't really get to write in the mindset of someone who is pure evil a lot.

I loved writing Dorcas for this scene, because I think it's exactly how an adolescent Gryffindor would react. She is in big denial.

Dumbledore is so hard to write! It's truly unfair. I think I'll edit when I am at least halfway done with the novel, because there are some other larger things that need fixing first. I think I wrote it like that because Dumbledore didn't want to face it either. He is very invested in his student's, and even for Dumbledore that would be a hard topic to broach.

The perfection of magic is the disease. This will be explained more in depth in two or three chapters, I'm not exactly sure.

Thanks for your review. Your insight was very helpful, and I look forward to hearing more! You're my fifty-fifth review, by the way. Congratulations!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 678
Submit Report: