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Review:marauder5 says:
hi! I'm here for the review tag.

I must say, this was an interesting start to a story. I was really pulled in by the way you explained how Ellie discovered her gift, and I'm definitely interested to learn more about that. I remember JKR saying something about Voldemort ending up like that, with his soul trapped, because he couldn't choose to become a ghost and he also couldn't relax in death... so that got me wondering if Ellie will ever see HIM? Hm... And then, when you announced that their mother had died, that memory from her fifth birthday became moving in another way, because it showed a time when they're family were still complete, sort of the innocent, happy childhood that was taken from them when the mother died. It was really sad. I also found it really touching how Ellie now worried about losing Chris and her dad too - the fear of losing your loved ones... Maybe it just hits close too home for me because I had this HORRIBLE nightmare about my brother dying the other night. Well, either way, I found it really touching, a nice detail to show that she really loves her family, and that she's really close to her brother.

And then Albus walked in. To be honest, while I really liked his character and found their bickering quite amusing, I would say that it's a LITTLE bit cliché... I don't know, I'm just convinced that Ellie is going to fall for him eventually and it's going to be another one of those "Oh, Al is so annoying" that turns into "But he's also rather cute..." I hope you find a way to make it happen without it being cliché, but it's quite a risky path you've taken already in the first chapter. Also, it's the whole "my brother's best mate" thing.. That's not to say I didn't like it, I just think it will be quite challenging to keep it original and fresh, as the first part of this chapter really was. I keep my fingers crossed that you'll find a way, though, and given that I really liked your writing, I'm sure you'll surprise me :)

I think it was nice how Rose is a little rebel in the sense that she likes and believes in Divination. I'm sure that's driving Hermione crazy! I wonder if this Seer will return later on.. what she said now was all very mysterious. Of course, having read the story summary, I have a few guesses as to what she was talking about.

All in all, I thought that this was a really good chapter, and I hope to find the time to read the next one sometime soon as well! It's well written, I didn't spot any major typos or anything like that, and Ellie definitely feels like an interesting character :) Good job!!!

Author's Response: Hello!

:D You're too kind! I reworked the two posted chapters, and I think the first chapter alone grew in size by about 1500 words, so this means a lot!

The first scene was easy and difficult to write at the same time, so if you really liked it... well, I'm incredibly flattered! And the feeling of Ellie losing her brother is semi-inspired by a similar nightmare I had about my sister, so the Ellie's fears felt very real when I was writing that part.

A little cliche? The Ellie/Albus dynamic is so cliche it sometimes makes me cringe when I think about it. But, alas, I do love a good cliche - and I'm a little undecided on if Ellie will fall for Al... she was going to for sure, but then... Al became more annoying to write, so we'll see!

I really wanted to show Rose being a little more normal. Ellie's quite... driven, as you'll see later on, so I wanted something to balance that out a little!

Thanks so much for this lovely review! This really means a lot to me!


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