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Review:academica says:
All right, Zayne, I'm here for my part of our exchange!

I really like your take on Peter's characterization. I've written him a couple different ways now but I like the anxious way he behaves here, particularly with that line about being careful to get all the blood off his hands. The fairytale motif was also good, because it really demonstrated how far he'd fallen from his hopes and how different he'd become compared to his friends. I couldn't help but draw a contrast between Peter and the image of James as a handsome hero rescuing a princess (Lily). I also like how uncomfortable Peter clearly was in the situation with Henry Jorkins and his surprise at seeing Voldemort there. It just showed that he didn't really fit in with this crowd quite yet.

I also really liked the imagery in this piece, like how you described Voldemort's voice as being like a knife and his movement as being like a plague. The theme of Peter needing to do this to secure his own safety fits in well with the sentiment of the war, and I think it's a believable motivation for him.

I do have a couple of points of crit, if you don't mind :) Something about the flow of this didn't seem quite right to me. I noticed in a few sentences that you seemed to mix tenses (for example, that was when this becomes real), and in others the wording was just kind of awkward. It's hard to describe, but you posted this a few months ago, so maybe if you go back and look at it now you'll pick those parts out.

The other thing is just Voldemort's comment at the end. It didn't quite fit in with the way he's typically characterized, and I had trouble understanding why he would allow someone entry into his forces if he even suspected that they had ulterior motives. I could maybe see his comment as something said in private to Peter to really get to him, but it was odd seeing it spoken in front of everyone like that. Maybe you could add a little bit to give some context as to why Voldemort made that comment.

Otherwise, this was great. Peter is obviously an under-appreciated character and (at least in my experience) a difficult one to take on, and I think you did a great job. Thanks for the exchange!

♥ Amanda

Author's Response: Amanada! Sorry for the epically long wait for this! I have no excuse, i'm just sorry. :)

I'm pleased that you felt he didn't fit yet yet. I didn't want him too. I wanted it to seem like he was still a kid and he still had some semblance of friendship loyalty to the Marauders still. I think the whole thing would have been a slow slide from the person he was into where he fit into the roll of a spy where he became hardened and was able to give Voldemort L&J. This is just one of the slides. He's had other before this point and he'll have more to go through after.

I know it doesn't fit in with how he's typically done. I know he's cruel and hardened and doesn't care much about his minions. But at the same time, i think there is more to a leader than someone ruling with pure fear. It takes more to get people to flock to him like they did. Voldemort obviously felt nothing for the people who were serving him, but he's an excellent actor. I do like the idea that maybe he would say it to Peter by himself, but, as it is, it also serves as a warning to everyone else that Voldemort knows all. That they can't hide hidden secrets within themselves. He'll find them and so help the person who thinks they can outsmart him. I think Voldemort also knew that Peter was weak and that he was already at the the point where he was focussed on survival at all costs.

Thank you for your delightful review! I really appreciate you comments and your CC! It definitely will make me go back and work on this a bit when i have the time. I'm also pleased you thought it could have captured Peter. He is a difficult character to wrap my head around and explain in a meaningful way. especially in such a short little story. There is always so much more to a character.

-zayne :)


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