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Review:APerkins says:
Laughed out loud! Really enjoyed this chapter, and have very little (nothing) in the way of constructive anything. I think your portrayal of the overall Slytherin attitude is great, I really enjoyed the quidditch match, the chapter was just really fun to read.
Starting to get inside Hastings head a little. I like her internal dialogue - it reveals a little more about her - she doesnt want to know about the whole voldy- issue. Her thoughts on Calvin were really helpful too.
umm
and because I think reviews are any use if they are all fluff and no constructive ... ummm
Oh.
The speech to clear all the riff-raff from teh slytherin table by Mandy is probably longer than a normal clear off statement would be. If you read it out loud its unnatural cause in the real world teenagers are never allowed to monologue for 4 sentences without being interrupted by someone - Id divide it up between two people - she says the first two sentences and then someone else chips in with the "yeah we dont wanna miss the game" type thing. The extra explanation in there is a little ott - getting pretty nitpicky with that though. It doesnt actually impact much!
Think im probably getting "into" the story too much to be particularly helpful in reviewing now! loving it!

Author's Response: This review really made me smile. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and that it's fun to read!

I'm glad you liked the portrayal of the Slytherin attitude. I figured they couldn't all be Death Eater sympathisers - it wouldn't make sense for 1/4 of the school to be "evil"! Melanie tends to do whatever is easiest in a situation, and with Voldemort it's easier for her to just not think about it because it doesn't affect her.

I think what you said about most teenagers not monologuing for 4 lines is true - I generally try not to have people say long blocks of text. But because Charlotte doesn't really care what other people think and she basically does whatever she wants, she can get away with a monologue for 4 lines, lol. XD

Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing! :D


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