Hi, I'm really enjoying reading this (Review from review tag, I chose not to review chapter one, as it already had several reviews) and I'm going to try and read the next couple of chapters and review them too. At this point in time, I have not read any further though, so this review is solely for chapter 1 and 2.
I guess I am really impressed with how well written it is, grammatically speaking. Well polished and the story flows. I love the way you handle having more than one person in a scene. It can be difficult to have a dialogue involving more than two people and you have successfully scattered such dialogues throughout the story.
At this point in time (and I am being a little nitpicky here, I haven't read any further, so I'm sure I will be proved wrong in the up coming chapters) but right now I feel I don't know much about where the story is going, or why we should take an interest in the main character. She is an atypical Slytherin, granted, but even that feels a little choppy. We saw a little angst about whether her family was right on their pure blood stance seven years ago, but flash forward seven years ago, and there is no questioning it - now she is disgrace to the house of Slytherin. We didn't see that transformation occurring.
Aside from that one trait, which to be honest, Mandy seems to share too, there is nothing to "hook onto" about the main character.
That sounds really harsh, and I tried to soften it, but I think maybe it is just better if I add that right now, it is not a bad thing, we are only at chapter two, and so are only just starting to get into the story. I am sure as we get to know Hastings better we will find out more about her. I'm going to review again in a few chapters time tomorrow, where I am sure that everything I have said here will be proved wrong!
Author's Response: Hi :) First of all, I really appreciate that you took the time to read more than just the one chapter for review tag, that makes me so happy :)
I appreciate your honest criticism, too. So, about the story not going anywhere: That's actually sort of intentional. I wanted it to be as realistic as I could (apart from the fact that magic isn't real :P ) and sort of just day in the life of an average teenager, at least in the beginning. It does eventually have a plot ;)
As for Melanie, I was hoping to show that the transformation was pretty fast, as soon as she was away from the influence of her family, and actually made friends who were Muggle-born (Lily), she started to change. But I'm aware it is a really awkward transition between the first and sixth year so I think I'll go back and edit that again, maybe add more about her changing her mind.
Also, I was trying not to just dump information and have her just say all of her personality traits up front. So I hope that comes across in the upcoming chapters.
Anyway, the first few chapters were actually written years ago - I've edited them since, but they're sort of choppy as a result. But thank you for sticking through them, I am so glad you're liking the story so far. :) Thanks for your review!!!