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Review:MC_HK says:
"Louis, the prat or Hugo, the oblivious" could be changed to "Louis the Prat, or Hugo the Oblivious" as if they were real titles.

You've gotta read through these very carefully to fish out the unnecessary added words, and just as much you need to insert missing words. I find myself not being seamlessly transitioned from one scenario to the other. One idea will end, then there will be a sentence, and then it's the next idea. I think there should be some sort of build up to let the reader know that there will be a transition.

Overall still very interesting story.I look forward to seeing what happens next. MC_HK

Author's Response: I am in process of editing the story and would remember the suggestions.
Thanks for the review :)


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