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Review:MadiMalfoy says:
Hi there! Here with your requested review. :)

So, as far as reader interest goes, I think it's decent enough right now. I think if you added a little bit about the Marauders (boys) to connect your OCs Mary, Mafalda, and Florence with someone other than just Lily, it would help out a lot! I love that you wrote Lily as still avoiding James and not giving in to his pleas. :)

It actually flows very well for a beginning chapter, so great job on that! There aren't any awkward time jumps that don't make sense or POV changes that seem out of place, which helps a ton with flow. Because you wrote in third person, it makes it easier to understand and read, because then you're not having to think about what this character thinks of that character, etc. Your writing style is great too, so there really isn't anything wrong with that!

A great start to this piece, love the OC's and other obscure characters! Please feel free to re-request. :)
~MadiMalfoy xx

Author's Response: Hey, thank you so much for the review. It is a slow chapter and I'm planning on shortening it up even more and adding a couple things to point toward future chapters. The next chapter there is already a connection made to the Marauder boys. I just couldn't fit it in this chapter because although they are important to the story they aren't main characters and I didn't want them to take over. This will be focussing more on Mary, Florence, Mafalda, and Lily.

I'm really pleased though that it flowed well and that you liked the style of this. I've really enjoyed writing third person as my other main WIP is first and this has a completely different style to that one that i'm enjoying immensely.

Than you so much for your review!


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