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Review:DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend says:
The first part made me very curious to read on :)
It raised questions and answered very little. I love that in a story. And it worked with your mystery theme!

I also really like your description of the marauders! They are very different indeed. And you were very accurate I think. That is how I picture their morning rituals anyway. And it's good you emtnion that James is not often this pensive, since I too think it would only happen every once in a while.

Despite the more vague start of the story, you took your time getting the story going by the time you went to James' point of view. This was good thing. The tone was very different because of it, but a well established story just works better.

I'm glad you made Lily believe James rather quickly. He was a bit on the nutty side, but he really liked her. That could not have gone right past her. He wouldn't do this. Although I sometimes wonder if I romanticize the boys a little too much. It was said in the books that they could be cruel.
Still, I doubt he would be cruel to Lily.
But I could not imagine who would be...so I liked figuring that out. And I wonder if the writer of the letter is speaking of Asher or not.

To make a long story short: this chapter really set a tone. It created an atmosphere that is just right for a mystery story. It gave a little information and raised more questions. Always a good thing!
I am curious!

What you could perhaps do, to enhance the fact that the first part of the story is separate from the second part, is using italics. It would make a more clear separation. However this is only a suggestion, as the * works as a separation as well! So doing this would make it double.

There was a typo in the description for Peter. "He might get burn his nose..." I'm assuming 'get' wasn't really part of the sentence.

Author's Response: I'm very glad the beginning of the story read so mysteriously to you! In a mystery, that certainly is a good thing. ;) I've done a lot of Marauders writing (as in over 300k over three novels, in addition to various one-shots), and so I've got a lot of headcanon where they're concerned... which is probably why it took so long to establish the rest of the chapter. Once I start writing them, it's just really hard to stop!

I think I see Lily different from a lot of other Marauders writers -- and I kind of feel like she liked him long before she agreed to date him (dating, falling in love with, and getting engaged to someone in a year seems really implausible to me).

I've already fixed that typo, but thank you for pointing it out! :) I love astute readers. And thank you for being willing to review this for me, too -- I really do appreciate it! ♥


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