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Review:nott theodore says:
Hello again! I really am sorry it's taken me this long to get back to this story - life's been so hectic recently. First of all, I really like your new banner - the artists at TDA are really amazing!

The interrogation of the suspect was really interesting. I'm quite intrigued to know who it is - I think that it must have been one of those people who was in the room in the first chapter, but I'm still not sure who. The planning behind this has obviously been quite meticulous, and it's clear that the organisers of the new Death Eaters have taken a leaf out of Voldemort's book - not every member knows each other, which means that it's harder for them to be identified. Either that or Emily Bates has been using a false name when working with the Death Eaters.

I think your dialogue is becoming quite a strength in your writing; it seems realistic and I can imagine the different characters saying these lines. Your characterisation of the canon characters is quite good, although a few times you do need to make sure that what they say is consistent with the character we see in the books.

This is an interesting new development to the story, Harry becoming the new head of the Auror department! I really liked the way that the wizards of the Wizengamot voted for Harry to replace Albert in the position of authority. From what we know of Harry's character, this does fit, and since the situation is quite extreme and pressured it is entirely plausible that he would be promoted at such a young age. I like the fact that he chose Ron to become his deputy; with their friendship so concrete and lasting, I think that Ron would be the very first person Harry would think of.

I hope you don't mind if I give you a little more CC. Although this chapter was a lot better as far as spelling and grammar are concerned, one word I noticed was "Wizengamot" - you spell it in several different ways.

Your presentation still requires some work. Each line of speech with a new speaker needs to be on a different line. For example:

"Well?" Ron said impatiently.

"She's clear," Harry replied. "It was Emily who attacked her. There was definitely an insider and I think it was her."


If this is an area you struggle with and want to improve, you can find beta readers on the forums who will read your work for you and correct the mistakes before it's posted :)

Overall, this was a good chapter, and I think the way that you're developing this plot is very interesting!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I really do appreciate your reviews and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the later chapters! :)
Well, it's actually Canon that Harry became the Head at 27 and is the youngest wizard ever to Head a Department and (as it's Harry) I felt as though it wouldn't happen as naturally as it would for other people.

Yes, I originally thought the spelling was 'WizAngamot' as in 'WizArd' but upon further research I found that I was wrong and did have a sickening thought that my 'Search and Replace' hadn't caught all of them.

Thanks so much again for the reviews, they really do help :)
SiriusAura92


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