|Review:||Elphaba and Boyfriends says:|
Hi, Elphaba back again!
I found one tiny grammar issue in this chapter. In this sentence: "When she opened them and leaned forward, her gaze ... bored into the Slytherin as if she could see through to her soul..." "bored" should actually be "bore" (past tense of bear).
I love the tense interaction between Ginny and Astoria! They definitely seem to be evenly matched, which makes for a great face-off.
I really like the point where Astoria says "Think what you want about people like me, but we always look out for our own. The Dark Lord isn't like that. He’s out for himself." I think this is exactly right.
For the next chapter, maybe you could begin with Draco saying something very direct to grab her attention. People rarely say what's on their mind. For her part, I think Astoria will use half truths to try and remove Draco's suspicions.
I think any questions Draco asks will depend on what exactly he knows, as well as the exact outcome at Epping Forest. Was there a fight, or did the Death Eaters show up to find everyone gone? Did any of the rebels drop hints that they'd been alerted by someone with inside information about the Death Eaters?
Even of he doesn't know anything, I think Draco may bluff -- pretend to know more than he does in order to scare her and get her to confess what she knows. He might also try fishing for answers by throwing theories (real or made up) at her about what she's done and why. Also, does Draco know who killed her mother, and why? Would he dangle that knowledge as a carrot to get her to cooperate? I think he might use his looks to his advantage if he has any suspicion that she finds him attractive. He will try to get her to let her guard down, and at the same time I think she will try to get him to let his guard down; perhaps even flirt with him.
If the war has made him as weary as it seems to, then maybe his desire to fulfill his duty to the Dark Lord will diminish the more he spars with her. Perhaps she will begin to win him over?
Thanks for another enjoyable chapter, and good luck with the next one! I hope my comments are useful to you.
Author's Response: Elphaba, you are awesome! Those were, like, the perfect suggestions I needed to get my brain working :D
Yay that you liked Ginny vs. Astoria! I loved that part, so I'm so glad to see that other people enjoyed it.
Oof! Thanks for catching that grammar mistake--the darn things are like pokemon...you just can't catch 'em all (this should probably show my ignorance to the subject. Since it's in the theme song, maybe they do catch them all, which sort of ruins the simile. Oh well. It's been a while). But thanks for pointing it out--I'll fix that.
Oh! A quote :D I'm really glad you liked it. In a lot of ways, that was my inspiration for Astoria. I didn't want someone who was this noble hero stepping out against all she knew only for the sake of the Muggles, because there's enough of that. I wanted someone smart enough to realize that Voldemort just didn't care, and trusting him is a horrible, horrible idea. I'm not saying there's no moral component to her, but I didn't want her decision to hinge solely on what was 'right'. I wanted her to be practical, to defend her people, and to point out that, for all his talk, Voldemort really never was one of them.
These are such great ideas! They really help me a lot with the bit of the next chapter that's been giving me trouble!! Hopefully I'll be able to finish up and post it quite soon, now that I have something to go on. You could not have answered my questions more perfectly. Seriously, I am so appreciative. Thank you for your help!