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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
First of all, wow, I love that Lavinia is a spy! I'm guessing that she was cast from her broom during the battle of the seven Potters, which I think is a brilliant way to connect her death to the series canon. :)

While I appreciate all the information about Astoria's treachery, I would have liked to see a little more interaction between her and Draco in this chapter. I was also a bit confused at first by the difference between the secret that got Lavinia killed and the leak of information texted back to the Greengrass household; after a couple of read-throughs I got that they are separate. It might help to separate mention of the two events even further in the text; perhaps by inserting some additional dialog before this sentence: "Of course, the Death Eaters had found out that there had been a leak in information, and it was unsurprising that they had eventually traced the source back to the House of Greengrass." Perhaps Draco could try to coax the leak out of her with a leading question or two? Another snippet of interrogatory dialog might work at the end, as well.

At any rate, I'm intrigued by the spy plot and eager to find out what Astoria had done in retaliation against the Death Eaters. :)

Author's Response: I totally see what you mean about wanting more Draco/Astoria interaction in Chapter 2. I was worried about that--the background is in some ways the easier part, because it's got a very distinct timeline. Figuring out how much to reveal at a time, however, and when to incorporate that in Draco and Astoria's interaction, is much harder. I'm working on it for the upcoming chapter--including more of them together--but I would love to find a way to add some more in a bit earlier.

Oh, I don't think I even considered that about the two secrets! Good point! I really should clarify that. Did I mention my deep and abiding adoration for specificity? Thank you so much for giving me an idea for how to fix it. I'll have to try to go in and clean that up.

I *really* appreciate your review, and your pointing out things to fix and how I might go about doing so. I always want things to be the best and most clear they can be, so advice is welcome. I'm glad that you're intrigued, and hope that the story continues to remain interesting : D Thanks again!



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