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Review:Roots in Water says:
Hello there!

Wow- the first Quidditch match of the season! I think that you did a good job of jumping right into the action and then continuing on with the quick pace. As everyone knows, Quidditch is a very, very fast-paced sport. I just wish that we'd been able to hear more details about the plays of the rest of the team. However, I suppose that Ella wasn't really concentrating on them. :P

I liked the references to characters we know and love from the books. Lee Jordan certainly was a great Quidditch commentator (quite funny) and was the Mr Wood mentioned here Oliver Wood? If it was, that would be fantastic! (Although it would mean that Oliver hadn't gone on to have a big career in Quidditch and then moved on to another great job). Perhaps it's his son.

I might have mentioned this before, but it would be great to see Ella interacting with not only the Quiddtich team but also everyone else outside of Quidditch related things, particularly because no one's life is solely about Quidditch. Even Oliver had to go to class. :P Interactions off the pitch would really help to round out her character - perhaps we could learn about her family? :)

However, perhaps a view into this team bonding exercise will work just as well. :D

The comments/insults at the beginning of the chapter were a nice insight into the competitive spirit that takes hold of Hogwarts before a Quidditch game. I'm just surprised that the Hufflepuffs were so nasty - perhaps it's another sign of how things have changed since Harry went to school. :P

I noticed one small typo as I was reading: with the phrase "while he was", "when" would work better than "while".

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this chapter and I'm now going to move on to the next! :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the match! Unfortunately, Ella wouldn't be able to concentrate much on the other team members without getting whacked by a Bludger. maybe i'll add a few sentences though...
Don't worry about too much Quidditch; a stretch of relatively Quidditch-less chapters commences after this one.
oh typo. awkward. thanks for pointing that out. I type most of this crap at 2 am (night owl much?) and sometimes i don't pick stuff like that up.
Thanks for your suggestions!!
xoxo Jils


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