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Review:Ron 4 Hermione says:
Nice cliffhanger, I wonder what's wrong with James! What an interesting start though, this sounds like the set up for a great story!

I love your characterisation of the Harry, especially the part where he has to stop himself saying hell in front of the kids. Also the kids seem really close, I like there little adventures that they got up too!

I do have a little bit of advice, each time a new person speaks it's generally on a new line and also you should try to vary the start of your paragraphs, all but two start with Harry!

It's still a good story though, you've got some lovely descriptions in and I could just imagine Harry walking home and having to deal with all that.

A great start, off to read the next chapter now! :)

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