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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! marauderfan here with your requested review.

This is a good start. I like your OC so far. One of my favourite things you do is the little aside comments Ciara makes, such as this bit, which is hilarious:

The love story of my mum and dad was simple. It's really cliche. They were best friends who turned into lovers. Told you it's cliche.

I thought her job situation seems realistic too. Ciara seems like a hardworking person who won't just rely on her parents money (which is admirable of her) but it means she's stuck with a job that has poor hours and obnoxious coworkers. A situation I can relate to! (Also, I like that your OC is Lee Jordan's daughter, because there's often not a lot of ethnic diversity in HP fanfiction so it's nice to see that here!)

As for CC... Some of the sentences are a bit run-on, and there are grammar mistakes. Luckily that's very simple to fix - I think it might help to get a beta reader. Also, content-wise, I think you could have saved some of the background info for later chapters. There was a lot of character background in this and it sort of stalled the flow of the story a bit. I do appreciate some background, but maybe not quite ALL of it, all at once ;)

This is a nice start though! You're doing very well and I enjoyed reading this.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
I always wanted to see what happened to Jordan and when I read this, I loved it.
Well, I really love writing humor stories and adding this little bit comments is what I do most.

I am going to work for the editing and I have, actually, requested for a beta and soon would correct it.

I am really glad that you enjoyed reading. Hope you review again.


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