Hello Becky! I'm back again.
I read your response to that last review - I pretty much love that you're one of those authors who wants to be "readable." It's refreshing. Being an English major was so difficult in college because all we ever read was Literature-with-a-capital-L. Enjoyable sometimes, but an easy read? Almost never. But anyway, I like that you don't strive to try and meld "Literature" and fanfiction. You just give us a good story. A really awesome story, actually.
Anyway, the story! I love Albus and Rose here. So realistic, so not your typical, I'm-Harry-Potter's-son-and-therefore-I'm-the-best-in-every-aspect. It's refreshing to see these characters with some personality and some reality about them.
I do have one little nitpick - you're fabulous at dialogue (I ENVY you, really, I do), but this one sentence at the beginning was a bit off for me: "Whatís the matter?" - I don't know, it just seemed a bit stilted. The rest of the dialogue is so off-hand, very natural, but for me that sentence is stiff. "What's wrong" or something like that seems more appropriate. But, I'm nitpicking, ignore me.
You always tell me that you enjoy a good ending to a chapter. Well, Becky, you sure know how to write one (What am I talking about? You write /everything/ with brilliance). You're tying in the first chapter now, but we don't know until the next one, and even then, maybe not! It's great suspense without being facetious.
It's all impeccable and I feel bad for even nitpicking at one line. I enjoy every chapter more and more. I fear I'm going to run out of things to say very quickly, and I'll surely run out of adjectives with which to praise you!
Author's Response: Hi, Shelby. And thank you! I don't have an English or literature background, so all my college reading and writing was always, "just the facts, ma'am." I think a part of me still crafts stories like they're essays!
I'm so glad you Al and Rose in this chapter. Giving characters personalities is one of my favorite parts of writing, and the farther from perfect they are, the more fun it is.
Thanks for pointing out that line. I don't mind nitpicking or CC of any kind. I'll definitely give it a second look. Dialog is always so tricky, especially when you're trying to hear it as it's spoken in a country you've never been to!
I'm so glad you liked the ending! This is the only story I've ever written start to finish, and it was a learning process, especially with pacing. But I do try to write with the philosophy that every chapter should end with some sense of where we are headed next -- to keep that forward momentum -- even if we don't know how it will play out.
Thank you for this lovely review. You're going to give me a big head if you keep saying such nice things!!