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Review:Beeezie says:
This was an interesting story.

Most of the fics I've read so far have focused on European countries, so it's a little refreshing to see one that jumps over to China, especially since that does include language barriers that don't exist in Europe. As soon as I saw "small southern province," I winced, because I could already foresee them literally not finding anyone who could speak English.

I also liked the conflict you showed them having, because it's very realistic. When you're lost in a strange place, especially when you don't speak the language, I think it's natural in a lot of ways to snap at the people you're with and see the predicament as their fault. However, the fact that they were able to move past it was also good, and fits with what know about Neville's character in particular, IMO.

That said, there were a couple things I thought you could have improved.

First, while I liked that you included the language difficulties, I would have liked to see more details about their experience in China in general. Language aside, there were points where it kind of felt like they could have been anywhere. It would have been nice to see more description that rooted them in China specifically.

Second, while you sort of acknowledged this in the fic, I still thought that their running off to China without doing any research was a little unrealistic, especially since Neville never really came across to me as foolhardy. I can't imagine either of them would have gone without even bringing their wands, especially given their experience with the war growing up, you know?

Otherwise, though, this was definitely a creative take on the prompt, and I liked that you took it somewhere most people didn't. Nice job. :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi and thanks for the review!!

I'm glad you found their interactions to be believable; it was fun to write, that's for sure!
The descriptive aspect of the story is definitly lacking, I couldn't agree more about that. I didn't have the time to go over this story longer because of the deadline but should I update the story, this is the one point I would work on.

As for the language point, while I agree with you, I will let you in a little secret : this kind of happened to me... When I went to China, we read books and prepared our trip for months but when we got there, surprise! The one thing the books had failed to tell us was that, all that was written in the books is useless because they don't even use the same written language!! So you have all the street names and Inn's names written in our alphabet but when you show the locals so that they will help you out, they can't read it!! You feel pretty dumb, that's for sure...

As for the wand thing, I completly agree with you and felt the same way but I felt it would be too easy if one of them could use magic and would solve their problem way too easily so that's why I chose to leave them behind. But, once again, I felt the same way and thought it was out of character considering what they'd gone through just years before, to go somewhere unprotected. It just didn't fit in the story.

Thanks for taking the time to review so nicely, I really appreciated your review!


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