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Review:Beeezie says:
Oh, yay! This is the first House Cup story I've reviewed that's focused on Luna, though I'm pretty sure it won't be the last, and I really enjoyed it.

Overall, you did a nice job with description in this piece; I could very clearly see the scene at the beginning in my head, and it was absolutely quintessential Luna. I did feel like that got a little weaker as the story went on, though; that's not a huge problem, because other things became more important, but because your description was so vibrant in the beginning of the vic, I found it a little jarring.

It really was only a little - the story was quite well-written and very readable. It had a nice pace to it, and I liked your focus.

I also liked your portrayal overall of Luna and Rolf. You did a really nice job with them. For Luna, I especially liked some of the things she did and said that were a little left and center and very Luna - preferring Muggle transport, for example. The references to canon were also terrific and inserted nicely, in particular the change in the Quibbler's status and Luna's memories of the Hogwarts Express.

Rolf was a bit less-developed, but since the story wasn't from his point of view and he only appeared in about half of it, that made sense. From what you showed, I could definitely see how he and Luna would get together and work well with each other!

The only other thing I might suggest has to do with your characterisation. Like I said, Luna's a hard character to get right, but you generally did a good job with her. However, I would have liked to see a little more of a dreamy quality to her thoughts.

I'm not saying that you should have written her as being perpetually in a fog, because I don't think that's true, but she felt a bit too straightforward and no-nonsense, which didn't really fit with some of the things she was actually doing - dancing through the rain, for example, or taking a train rather than traveling using magic.

Overall, though, this was a great story and a nice take on Luna and Rolf's first meeting, and I really enjoyed reading it.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

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