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Review:MC_HK says:
Hello :)

This chapter has a lot of potential, but I don't mean that in a bad way. You have a good base here in showcasing the plot, the personalities of the characters, and their backgrounds. To me, that is a very component to have in the first couple chapters of the story as it gives the reader a real grasp on what you're writing and your writing style (which is very good). I also like the idea of her coming up muggle simply because its different from most other things I've read.

Regarding flow: I spy a couple tense problems sprinkled throughout, but aren't a huge deal. There are some punctuation errors as well due to added commas where they don't need to be. I also find that you have a lot of repetitive words here, and that almost makes me slow down and have to re-read because I need to make sure I'm reading it right. It also can make a story monotonous, so watch out for that.

I have to ask why Stephanos would be scared of his family's well-being after Voldemort dies? Yes, he's a pure blood, but is he a death eater? To me this really kind of hinders me off the story because I don't really understand why a pure-blood would want to live a muggle life, as they are very much proud of their roots. I'm sure you have your reasons for making it that way, so maybe put in more detail as to why he's scared for his family because to me it doesn't really make sense.

Like I said, this is still a good start and with a bit of tweaking, could be a great start. I hope what I said doesn't discourage you because I'd still like to see where this is going. Feel free to re-request :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Unlike most Slytherins, Stephanos isn't a death eater. I picture him more like Blaise Zabini in the book, a reserved person who mostly kept himself but still get along with other people, especially Lucius even though he didn't follow him to be a death eater. He was prejudiced against muggle yes, but also loves his family too much (especially his daughter) that he would do anything to keep them save. Being a good friends with Lucius, he absolutely knows how powerful Voldemort is and somehow felt he couldn't just die like that. So that's why he decided to move his family to the muggle world, no matter how much he despised it and has grown accustomed to it eventually. I hope you understand! Once again, thank you for the review. I really appreciate it! I'll try to be better next time :-)

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