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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from Ravenclaw on the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2013! :D So, let's go over things:

First of all, I loved your disclaimer at the beginning! It made me laugh. :) Now, thoughts:

Plot: This was quite comical! I felt really bad for Rick! He definitely bit off more than he could chew. For the longest time I was confused about why Neville was telling a Muggle all about wizarding society and I was about to spaz, but Luna (of course) came in and wiped everyone's memories and fixed it. But speaking of Luna! What a plot! I think it's really funny that she, uh, won't leave Neville alone, ;) , but I can barely imagine that. The story was funny though, so it didn't bother me TOO much.

Characterization: I felt so sorry for poor Rick. Muggles really get confused when wizards happen upon them. I loved the ending though. That really tied it all together. Neville was pretty in-character for me. I didn't mind him. I felt bad for his predicament, but it still made me laugh. Luna, on the other hand, was quite out-of-character for me. I couldn't really imagine her acting that way. And by the time she showed up in the bar, I was a bit afraid of her! She stunned Neville! Who does that? :O

Descriptions: I might have liked to see more details about how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc., but I think how it is right now isn't terrible. I just think more descriptions would help bring readers "into" the story more. :)

Emotions: I could totally feel Neville's panic and I felt so bad for him! Poor guy! What a situation to be in! And I think you portrayed Rick's discomfort really well. Definitely believable.

Overall, great job! Have a great day and good luck with the House Cup!


Author's Response: Hi, there!

I'm glad that you enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to write. Rick was loosely based on some of my uncles. He seemed like a perfect foil for poor, drunken Neville. The two of them come from such different worlds. They're pretty much never going to connect on any level whatsoever.

I really would have liked to have gone into more detail, but this all came together fast. I feel weird about editing House Cup stories in a way. Part of the point is that you write these things under pressure of time, so to go back and pretty it up after the fact... it feels almost like cheating.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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