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Review:Roots in Water says:
Hello there!

I really liked this one-shot. There aren't as many stories about traveling on buses as there should be. For such an unreliable form of transportation, there are plenty of stories to be found on them, because of all the people you're surrounded with. I have quite a few stories myself.

I think that you did a great job with your characterization. Tibbie sounds like the average teenage girl: self-conscious, particularly around those she's nursing a crush on. I'm glad that she got the courage to actually speak with "Elbow Patch Guy", even if it was only to say "hello". It's too bad that he turned out to be mean, but at least it shut down their conversation right off... And allowed her to meet Henry, a much nicer and friendlier boy. As you said, it was a nice change on the old cliche.

Her narration (or, rather, your narration in her voice) was very well done. It definitely fit her age and made her instantly relatable. At several points during the story I just wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say that her eyesight was more important than some guy, that she was probably a lovely human being and she needn't belittle herself so. But that's the sign that you've done your job well as a writer, so congratulations, I guess. :)

I noticed one typo as I was reading, and I thought I'd point it out for when you go back for editing (which it seems you'll do, as per your Author's Note). It was, quite simply, "Muggle transport"; I think it would sound better as "Muggle transportation". But then again that could simply be personal preference. :P

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this one-shot. It was thoroughly enjoyable and it did a great job of exploring an often-unexplored area of travel. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the absolutely awesome review! Like really awesome- full of awe. Idk, it was great. Buses are fantastic for stories, aren't they?

I really tried to show the teenagers of the world through Tibbie. I mean, we don't all get our Elbow Patches, (in fact really 99% of people don't haha). Anyway, I'm glad you thought I'd got away from the cliche!

Ugh, as I was writing about the glasses I was just thinking 'oh dear Tibbie, you're so silly' but I decided that that was the sort of effect I was going for /anyway/. Anyway wow I'm glad you think i've done my job as a writer well because like that means a lot and yeah you've made me REALLY happy!!

I'll certainly go back and edit, so thank you for pointing that out!

Anyway, thank you so much for the fantastic review, it was really a pleasure to receive!


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