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Review:academica says:
Hello!

What a neat idea! I like that you built so much back story into a short piece; it really set the atmosphere up well and got me excited about the plot. I also liked the cliffhanger-esque ending. In fact, I think both of those qualities suggest that this story has real potential to be continued into an exciting short story, so I definitely encourage that.

I did notice a few things that I think you could polish up a bit if you do decide to continue this. There were a few technical mistakes that a beta could help with. I noticed that you used present tense in several places while recalling the Ministry's recent activities, and it seems like past might fit better there. You also separated the second section line by line in some places--it makes sense to do that when two characters are switching off in conversation, but it looks a little weird if you're just describing the scene, so I'd maybe consider condensing some of those into longer paragraphs.

Great job!

Amanda
Ravenclaw
House Cup 2013


Author's Response: I'm glad that you didn't find the backstory too heavy! Sometimes, I do wonder whether I try to put too much details into things that the reader doesn't need to know.
I definitely was rushing to put this in the queue, so I have fixed the mistakes that you pointed out. Thank you for noticing!!

And thank you for reading and reviewing!(:


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