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Review:Athene Goodstrength says:
Ooh, now this one kept me on my toes! Every time I thought I had a handle on it, something new came up to challenge me. This story grew deeper and more complex with every paragraph!

The way she tells smaller stories about other people in each place confused me at first - why, if she was in all these amazing places, were we hearing about these other people? And then I thought that she wants to be a spectator, and not actually be involved in a fantastic story of her own - which makes sense, considering the trauma she's been through, and is a nice contrast with the first person narrative. I was reminded a little of The Great Gatsby at that point - having a first person narrator who's more interested in telling other people's stories!

Once I realised it was all in her mind, it struck me as really sad that even in her own fantasies, Lavender is an outsider, watching other people have adventures.

I really felt her disappointment when Parvati takes the book away - it was a shock to me! But it explained a lot. Instead of Lavender being this almost manic, wild traveller with a thirst to be constantly moving, the poor girl is deeply depressed and has lost her grip on reality. I feel pretty sorry for Parvati in all of this, to be honest! She's so supportive and loving, that in Lavender's mind she has become a strong wall... But she doesn't realise she's lost Lavender already.

I very much liked a couple of lines in this - these two stood out:

"The eyes of the people there never seemed as hard or as hollow" - this really made me think about the fact that the whole wizarding community in Britain is traumatised to some extent, just like Lavender.

And the line about a memory sticking in her mind like glass - a strong image! I really liked that line.

I did notice that there appears to be a lack of commas in many sentences, rendering some of them a little clumsy and difficult to read/understand. This story may benefit from you reading it out loud, just to see where it needs other punctuation or slightly more natural wording. Also, I noticed that you spelled Parvati's name 'Pavarti' throughout. But that's all!

I really enjoyed this - I haven't really read any Lavender stories, and this was such an interesting take on the travel theme! Well done :)

Athene xo

Author's Response: Hey Athene! Thank you so much for choosing this story to read! I really appreciate it!

I loved reading how you responded to each change in the story. How everything was challenging you on another level. I love those type of stories where the narrator isn't saying their story but fixated on the lives around them. It makes it so interesting because you learn a lot about them based on what they are observing. It's like two stories in one. Anyway, that's completely off topic!

I can't imagine what it'd be like to go through a war. To experience such turmoil and to come out scared and hurt where you can't chase the demons away that are grabbing at your wrists. It would be a harrowing experience and for some reason i've always been drawn to it. Lavender's story is especially interesting because we know so little of her. Yes, we're annoyed at her in the books for her Won-won obsession and her seemingly shallow life but she stayed and fought. She was part of the DA. Then suddenly everything in the war happened. She was attacked and suddenly she can't cope. She can't be anything because what she relied on before - her good looks, her want of big things - is gone. Her base for reality has slipped because of that because everything she relied on before she can't now. Hence why she falls into this worlds. The only places that she feels like she can live. She has these dreams and at the moment she can't even tell what's real or not anymore.

Parvati (thanks for correcting me with the name, no idea WHY I did that but i'm mortified!) was an interesting character to write. She's trying to help, she loves her friend, but she's so out of her depth. She doesn't know what her friend needs or how to give it to her. She wants so much to be the lifeboat but she won't ever be because Lavender has slipped so far from her grasp.

Thank you so much for your review and being the first person to review this story! I had begun to think that i'd actually completely messed up on this story. I'm still not massively happy with it but i'm really happy that you got it and felt that it had complexity! Thanks so much!!


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