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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the Common Room!

Wow, this was so sweet! You did an absolutely fantastic job of writing Dominique as this sassy, precocious little girl about to strike out into the great big world on her own. You also captured the timeless middle child dilemma. She never got to be an only child and now she isn't the baby anymore, either. The little tokens of Bill and Fleur's affection that were stripped away from her once Louis -- aka, The Thing -- was born were perfect metrics that an 8-year-old might use to gauge her parents' love.

All of the little details about her plan to run away were so well thought out that I seriously started to wonder whether there's a special 8-year-old in your life who helped you work it all out. The idea that she would prioritize her toys and crayons over, oh, say, clothes fits so well for a kid this age. Reminds me of watching my two 5-year-olds try to pack for our last vacation.

All of her little moments of indignation were just perfectly done. I could easily picture her huffing and flipping her hair and stamping her foot. I think my favorite was this one: ... and Mummy said that from now on she had to brush her own hair. Herself. It was far too much for Dominique to bare. -- Brilliant moment of little girl angst. Poor Fleur. She has a newborn, a tween AND Dominique. Talk about too much to bare...

As she was in the process of running away, I thought you captured her mindset perfectly. From the beginning it seemed like this was less about where she was going -- she didn't even decide that until she was halfway down the street -- and more about whether she would be missed. The motivations and the internal narrative you built around her actions were perfectly sensible and consistent.

This line made me chuckle: You know, take a stop before America.

And then you even gave her a friend! You never really specify whether Joey and his family are muggles, but for some reason that's what I decided to think. I loved the little running game of "I asked you first" that they play. Such a great little detail.

"Isn't that a boys name?" He asked and she looked scandalised. -- Ha! Have you been hanging out with SamMalfoy93?

And that takes us right through to the conclusion. I thought you ended the story on a great note, not to mention in the only manner that wouldn't result in the police getting involved. You took us on a while different kind of journey in this story, and I thought it was a very original take on the theme. Your writing was lovely; I couldn't find a thing wrong with it. Very well done!

Author's Response: Can I just say that having your first review be from CambAngst is such an honour as people constantly rave about your reviews and its seems that I'm about to join the club! I was making little squealing noises as I read this, especially because you seem to have put so much thought into this review. I have to say, I'm not a writer and my heart does belong to HPPC which is why I was extremely nervous about writing this.

As an eldest child, I was always pretty envious of my younger sibling and thought it might be a good way to use my own childhood memory of running away. It was pretty much for the same reasons as Dom - feeling under appreciated - and I do remember packing with the door wide open so my parents could see and even marching out of the house whilst they waved from the doorway. They found it pretty amusing ahaha.

I agree, poor Fleur having to deal with very demanding children. I'm glad that was your favourite line - it was probably one of my favourites if I'm being honest. I wanted to almost make it more sugary by adding faint humour.

I knew I wanted Dom to meet another kid. Someone to sort of make her realise her mistakes and to be more gracious towards her parents. Children can be stubborn, sometimes they need friends to make them see right from wrong instead of adults. I did a bit of work in a primary school for experience and oh my god, was it eye opening. 'I asked you first' was one of the things I heard along with 'I'm telling!' and 'I had that first!'. Fun times.

Thank you so much for this review, It really meant a lot to me and I'm not sure if I can match the amount of words but gah, it really really made my day and I want you to know that :P

Maz


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